#33 The Importance of Your Environment for Success with Jessica Parr

[SPEAKER 1]On this week’s episode, we’re talking with Jessica Parr.

[SPEAKER 2]People really do have to be willing to look at themselves and do the work and be really open to receiving that type of support.

[SPEAKER 1]Welcome to the Equestrian Connection podcast from wehorse. My name is Danielle Crowell, and I’m your host. Jessica Parr is a horse trainer turned human coach.As the owner of Springen Equestrian, Jessica is a freelance trainer and offers a variety of options for lessons, training, and competitions.Her team actively competes on the Silver Series West Circuit and attends select A-Circuit shows. Jessica makes it her mission to instill confidence in both riders and horses. And as a coach, developing her own riding career has always been imperative in order to bring a relatable perspective to her clients.Nowadays, you can find Jessica coaching as many humans out of the saddle as she coaches in the saddle.She combines the knowledge and experience she’s gained as an equestrian coach to help others in business and in life. Get ready to be inspired.

Jessica, welcome to the wehorse podcast. I am so interested in your journey and going from being a equestrian trainer to, you know, all the things related to the human experience itself. And I would love to know how you went from being a horse trainer to the coach that you are today.

[SPEAKER 2]Well, that’s a big, long story, so I’ll try to summarize it. But I do work with many people who are equestrians, and I still coach actual riders. But the point of connection for me and my business clients or my business mindset clients is… Most of them are horse people.So for me, I wrote from a really young age.I started teaching when I was in university and it just built into creating my own business.

[SPEAKER 1]There’s a lot of

[SPEAKER 2]things that happened.And it wasn’t all that intentional initially.But I grew my equestrian side of things over the last decade.I’m aging myself.But I built that entire business, like my spring and equestrian business based on the idea that I really wanted to have autonomy over my schedule and time freedom and wanted to spend more time with horses.Obviously, that was my passion.And I did get to a point in that business where it was to me, it was successful, but I was completely misaligned with what I was doing and how I was feeling about it. my personal life, who I was working with, and I was resenting my passion, you know, the horses.And that led to me having a terrible episode of burnout in 2019 when my business was kind of at its peak.And I had to really take a look at how sustainable the lifestyle was and what I really wanted out of it.And it was kind of forced in this situation. Um, but I think that that’s the story for so many questions that I talked to where it’s the reality of the industry.They are overworking themselves and over committing themselves to certain things and not really getting the results that they want to, but ultimately physically or mentally burning out and having cycles of that experience.And so once I started sharing more of what I was going through, I realized that there was so many people that felt the same way.And so that was the catalyst for me pivoting my business and focusing so much more on entrepreneurship and mindset, because it was just such a big part of my own journey.And so, you know, after I was in the healing process, because it took a very long time to recover from that situation, Um, my life kind of changed drastically.I dove into personal development and mindset work and also studied business.It’s something that as entrepreneurs, a lot of the times, like we don’t have that type of background, especially coming from the equestrian industry.And so, you know, my husband and I, at the time we got married, we bought our dream property.I started my podcast and connected with more entrepreneurial and equestrian people there.I started breeding horses and kind of enjoying the sport in a way that was different from how I imagined it initially.And, you know, now I’m about to become a mom and I’m on a whole new journey.We’ve been playing with lots of different adventures and things that, you know, are outside of the horse realm, but I get to actually enjoy it in a way that I couldn’t be happier with and be more connected to my animals. uh, because it’s, there’s so much less pressure and so much, you know, more fulfillment in what I’m doing, helping other women kind of find the same thing.Um, and it took me a long time to find that identity outside of the equestrian space.And I think a lot of women can relate with that.Like if they’re fully wholeheartedly horse girls, um, they’re very attached to that identity.And, um, you know, now I’m leaning into the skill sets and the value that I can bring other people in different ways and So needless to say, it was the best thing I ever did and the best pivot I feel like I’ve ever made.Because now I have a job that, you know, allows me to enjoy the sport in a way I actually, you know, really dreamed of doing, like feeling good about it and passionate about it and connected versus crippling myself and my bank account and my mental capacity.And so that’s why I’m so passionate about helping other female entrepreneurs do the same thing. It’s not about like getting out of horses, it’s about how can we look at this holistically and sustainably and all the things that we are and what we want to do and make it something that is what, you know, lifelong versus getting to a point where we want to quit or not feeling like we love horses anymore because of how hard we’re working.And so whether it’s in the equestrian industry or someone has found me because they’re an equestrian, usually that’s the tie that binds.And, you know, I love working with obviously these types of people because they’re so ambitious and passionate.And I also see a vision for kind of changing the narrative in the industry around, you know, what you have to sacrifice in order to work in the industry. So that’s kind of how it came to fruition, even though it’s a little long winded.

[SPEAKER 1]No, absolutely.I think the going into the background details is important to really paint a whole picture and I get it like I get it so much. Same thing like a decade ago, I in my early 20s, I moved.So I’m also in Canada.And for those listening that maybe don’t know the geography of Canada, I’m in Nova Scotia, and I moved all the way to Alberta.So it’s all the way across the country to pursue a job. you know, working at a horse stable.And it was my dream job.I thought, you know, oh, I’m doing it.I’m hitting the things that I want to go towards.And I burnt out so quick and it made me really want to take a step back from horses because I went too hard, you know?And then it became a whole identity thing of, well, then who am I?Because I’m a horse girl.And if now suddenly I’m not chasing the horse girl dream, then who am I? And that also, of course, came with your early 20s, where no matter what you’re doing, you’re questioning who you are.But it was a really, really hard thing to recognize in yourself and to be willing to give up the feelings of, I’m giving up what I thought was my dream.So I truly understand it.And I think that there’s something really unique in the equestrian industry of the dedication that we have.You know, there’s so many aspects that are in the personality of an equestrian that allows us the ability to, you know, fly or fail in business and in life.Either we go way too hard and we burn out or we have so much dedication and goal setting and, you know, all of the things. Do you wish you could have a better partnership with your horse but aren’t sure where to start?Do you want to advance your riding or horsemanship but don’t have access to the ideal resources in your area?Does the idea of learning about horse training whenever and wherever and at a price that won’t break your horse bank sound appealing to you?Check out wehorse.com to access over 175 online courses with top trainers from around the world. We have courses on everything from dressage, to groundwork, to showjumping, to bodywork.And as a member, you get access to everything in our WeHorse library to watch whenever you want.Oh, and we also have an app, which means you can download a course or video to watch without Wi-Fi, which is perfect for those days at the program when you want a quick dose of training inspiration before your ride. So what are you waiting for?Go to WeHorse.com and check out our free seven day trial to access our WeHorse library and see if it’s a good fit for you.We can’t wait to see you in there.And now back to the episode.And was there anything during your transition where you thought, I see this repeated, um, you know, cycle with my equestrian training clients that I, I know that I could help them in other areas of their life or in their business that maybe they don’t recognize in themselves, um, because they’re too in, you know, the quote unquote horse girl life.

[SPEAKER 2]Oh, a hundred percent.

[SPEAKER 1]I mean, I think,

[SPEAKER 2]I think the problem as being a very, you know, diverse equestrian coach, you know, my specializations, Hector jumper, young horse training, like competition services.And I was kind of deep in that, in my business, um, is that they’re not there to be life coached.They’re there to be coached on their horse and, you know, go to the shows and have a certain level of performance and relationship with their horse, which of course I hold all of the things that you know, have to do with life and mindset.But I found myself kind of at this like bridge where I could see certain, again, like you said, patterns and cycles replaying out and also younger women wanting to pursue jobs in the infrastructure industry and having no idea what that would entail or what it would look like for them and trying to help them navigate that. But the disconnect was people really do have to be willing to look at themselves and do the work and be really open to receiving that type of support.And so I was like, very much at a crossroads where I love coaching.I’m passionate about it.And I love being a leader in my business.But how can I you know, help the women that are really truly wanting to do this as their business and job.And that that was different for me than my clientele in my business versus the one I was transitioning to.But as far as transferable skills, there’s just so many like, you know, in order to coach in any capacity, I think having compassion and empathy and being able to understand what people are going through.As a riding coach, I would literally put myself in the stirrups, feel what the rider was feeling physically, emotionally, and try to give them the tools to solve problems and the confidence to do it themselves.It’s exactly the same requirement in business.It’s what makes it so potent.As much as I’ve been an equestrian coach, I’ve also been a business owner for a decade.So I can stand in that feeling and try to help people navigate the challenges that come with that.

[SPEAKER 1]And

[SPEAKER 2]That’s the other thing, too, with with riders and also entrepreneurs and business owners is my biggest thing as a coach is really developing self-sufficiency and being able to trust yourself when you’re in the moment and make decisions based on, you know, what you know and very much lean into your education and your knowledge and just like your intuition.And I think That’s one of the huge… The biggest transferable skills when it comes to business and mindset coaching is whether it’s a horse that can handle certain situations, you’re training it, it’s young and you want it to be able to make decisions and take care of itself.A rider doing the same thing in the show ring when you’re not there to help them or a business owner that has to deal with obstacles that come up in their business.It’s all the same.Really trying to instill confidence in people when they are faced with challenges and decisions that they have to make.And the last kind of like through line or theme that came up for me is handling comparison and self-doubt because that comes out for every single person, let alone it’s extremely prevalent in the equestrian industry.It’s a competitive industry.There are high expectations of ourselves from other people.And so that was something that You know, for me, obviously it’s important when you’re a competitor and you’re trying to win in the ring, you need to be able to.Handle that kind of pressure, but also, um, in my experience, you can have a writer that inexplicably believes in themselves and maybe isn’t prepared or organized.They will do better than a writer who is so talented and so amazing in the saddle, but has no belief in themselves.And so it’s kind of the same way that I coach. entrepreneurs, you know, and it’s very important to me that I pull that mindset piece into the coaching.And I think people underestimate.They want to just be given tools, whether again, it’s in the saddle with your horse, just resources and like the here’s the list of to do’s.And then that equals I’m going to be successful in whatever I want to do.And in reality, a lot of it comes down to that confidence, self-doubt, self-trust and majorly just really feeling like they can lean on themselves. So it’s just so overlapping.

[SPEAKER 1]Yeah, absolutely.And that was funny.That was my next question.It was, you know, how do you feel that equestrians, when you work on your personal growth, does it translate to your growth in the saddle?And you answered it beautifully there is that the equestrian that believes in themselves and has the confidence is always going to do better.You know, and the horse feels those vibes, right?Whether they’re good or they’re bad, the horse gets that.And and so I think that, you know, you you wrap that.I don’t even need to ask that question.You just wrapped it up beautifully.

[SPEAKER 2]Well, I think like, yeah, I mean, I can elaborate in ways where being someone who is like in the horse world gives me this, in my opinion, weird competitive advantage because I feel like horses are so amazing at teaching us these types of lessons.Just having taught so many people over the last however many years and understanding how they can be a deep reflection of those topics I just mentioned.If you have a lack of confidence or you’re stressed or you’re anxious and you bring it to the barn, it’s going to be reflected back at you in the relationship with your course.It’s so amazing how that is.And I think that people who aren’t involved in horses are like, yeah, that’s woo, but it is so true.Um, and so when I work with people on, you know, developing their business and, and working through those like mindset blocks, it’s literally the same thing.If you are, radiating with confidence and belief in yourself and you know the potential that you have, it’s inevitable that you’re going to get there versus someone who is constantly questioning themselves and seeking permission and being scared of being judged.So, I mean, I could dig into it all day with writers and entrepreneurs, but yes, it’s definitely really important through lines.

[SPEAKER 1]And now, the transition period because I’m sure going from being like a competition coach and the mindset that that requires and the you know the goals of your clients and that to then transition into going into life coaching and you know all of the things that is completely different and and there can be many comparisons but to the outside person you know looking in they seem so different it like you said it seems it’s the difference between what could be perceived as woo woo to what could be perceived as like going after it and you know the masculine vibes um now what was that transition like for you as your own entrepreneur and your own business owner to say, hey, guys, I’m now also offering this.Like what came up for you?How did your community react and how did you kind of respond and make that transition for yourself?

[SPEAKER 2]Oh, my gosh, I mean, it was like terrifying and it took a long time.It took me hiring my own business coach to actually work through the identity crisis I was having.Because I was like, if I’m not doing this… And to be honest, I still coach writers.So I’m still here.But I definitely changed my entire business model, what I’m focused on, what I’m really, really hoping to build, and who I’m trying to impact.But that took a lot of time.And I was actually… I’ve had to deal with this and help clients navigate this as well when they’re making transitions.But I think the lesson is that people do not care nearly as much as we think that they care.We care so much more.We think it is such a big deal.And I was just talking to a client about this yesterday and alluding to my experience where you have this long-awaited internal shift.You’re working through everything in your mind and you’re doing all of the Okay, this is what I’m going to do.And there’s a build up, and how you think and feel is changing.And ultimately, like what you are dreaming of is shifting.And all of a sudden, your external reality does not match who you are anymore.And there’s this like friction of people are questioning you, you start to question yourself, or you put your foot down, and you start drawing boundaries, and you start saying no to things. that aren’t serving you maybe.And it becomes an absolute universal test because there is pushback.There’s pushback from people.There’s pushback from your entire environment.You feel like, I’ve done all this work and I’m changing and I’m going to do this thing and nothing outside of you has changed yet.I had to let go of clients.I had to completely overhaul the people that I spent time and energy on.And the truth is, you really do have to wait for your reality to catch up. Um, it takes time.And that was like an entire year for me.It took a lot of time for my external reality to start reflecting.And I really had to just stay on my ground and what I wanted.And it’s a huge challenge.I think people, especially entrepreneurs, they get to that place of friction where things aren’t lining up yet.And they’re like, Oh, I think I’m going to pedal back because this doesn’t feel good.

[SPEAKER 1]It feels new.

[SPEAKER 2]It feels uncomfortable.People are questioning who I am like, what the heck?And they start. going back into their comfort zone and like things like changing an Instagram handle or a podcast name.It seems so simple.It took me months to come around to it.And I swear to God, like four people messaged me being like, oh, that’s awesome.I see you changed your name.And the rest of the people didn’t notice or care enough to do things like that. Like, there’s a big chunk of people in my community and they’re like, cool, like, yeah, that’s your name, whatever, you know.And we put so much unbelievable pressure on ourselves because of the ways that we think people perceive us and not how they actually do.Like, we have no idea.It’s none of our business, but we are dredging ourselves and that’s what’s reflected back to us, you know. And so now I’ve had many clients go through the same experience.I’ve realized it’s just so much about our own identity.And my advice for anyone listening who is going through this where they’ve decided or they’re entertaining that they desire a pivot and they want to transition in their business is not to shy away from it.It’s in your brain and your heart for a reason.So I’d encourage you to really follow that feeling and You have permission to change your mind at any time.No one’s holding you to your own decisions.But the secret is, is that it’s just a decision.It’s literally just deciding, like you can wake up one day.And the reality is, there’s so many people that toy with decisions for months, for years, and that type, and stay in that resistance, like I was talking about, and we consider ourselves stuck, like that’s how people identify themselves. I feel stuck.I talked to so many women who say, I just feel stuck.And it’s because they are trying to change and they’re trying to listen to what they really want.But like, they can’t handle the pressure of everything else outside of them influencing their decisions.And we’re not actually stuck.It’s just a decision.It’s just I’m going to do this.Like, I don’t want to swear.Screw what everyone else says. I’m just going to, I’m going to do this thing for me.You know, it feels good for me.It’s serving me.And so it took, again, I’m not perfect.It took me some time and I really only made this pivot last year.Um, but I’ve had such good feedback from my community.I think it’s just still all of the reasons why they were connected with me in the first place.Cause as much as I was, you know, an equestrian and sharing that journey, I was also sharing all of the other things that came with that with business and mindset and personal development.So I just leaned into it more.

[SPEAKER 1]Yeah, I, I love that where you had mentioned about like, needing to set boundaries.And I think that’s a really big thing for so many people, um, especially in the equestrian community where we really don’t have boundaries because we’re so like, Oh my God, my horse needs this.Oh my God, my horse needs that.And so it’s like you drop everything.And so that kind of trickles into your personal life as well, where you, you know, you just kind of drop everything, um, for people.And, um, There’s a quote that I love that is, um, the people that are upset when you set boundaries are the people that benefited from you having none, you know?And so it’s like, that kind of comes into play where when you’re like, why is this person maybe upset with me?It’s like, Oh yeah, they benefited from me just dropping everything and rushing to them.Um, and I, Yeah, I feel like there’s so many things that we could go into about this.

[SPEAKER 2]I think that so many equestrians, and I’m going to speak because I’m a female, and that’s my experience with a lot of women, is we’re inherently people pleasers.We do more than is expected of us.We go above and beyond, and we chronically feel underappreciated, but we breed that behavior in our clients.When I have a business and I’m doing everything under the moon to keep my clients happy.And then all of a sudden, I go, I am lighting myself on fire to keep everyone overly satisfied with my services.And I start to put my foot down.

[SPEAKER 1]Well, guess what?

[SPEAKER 2]Of course, they’re going to push back because I’ve taught them that I am there at 21st Devin for anything they need.

[SPEAKER 1]And

[SPEAKER 2]The radical responsibility of that was really hard.It’s like, how are people treating me like this?It’s kind of my own fault.I allowed it to happen.And I think that’s a huge thing for people when they get there.But it is not easy.And like I said, there were people who were like, yeah, no problem.Those are the people I want to have in my circle.There was people who were like, this is so unacceptable that you wouldn’t message me back at 11 o’clock at night.Those are probably the people I don’t need in my circle.It’s just so hard to have those boundaries.But, you know, it’s so much harder to change them.So that’s where I focus on when I’m, you know, helping people build their businesses like that’s something that’s a foundational aspect that I didn’t have in my business.And I think a lot of the questions can relate in life too.But it shouldn’t make you not Like you get to a point where, okay, are you going to consistently choose other people or are you going to decide to choose yourself?Like what, what’s going to be the day where you just wake up and decide like, this is enough and I’m living for other people.I’m going to choose myself today.Like there has to be a moment.

[SPEAKER 1]Yeah.Yeah.What would you recommend for people that are searching for a work life balance?And of course, including the routine of. you know, the horses and stuff into that, which can feed or eat up all of our free time.How would you recommend that people find a sense of balance between like work life horses?That’s a great question.

[SPEAKER 2]I’m kind of I’m trying to think of what that means, I think for me, like the balance is more like peace.It’s not really balance.And I think that comes from being in alignment and like actually standing by your values and feeling like you’re working towards something like your goals are clear.You feel good in your relationships and balance is kind of an illusion.Yeah.I think that where people always feel like it’s impossible is when they are really like misaligned in their life.You know, they’re expending energy in places where truly they don’t want to expend their energy.And so for me, it took a very long time to prioritize myself, my personal health over other things. And if I’m being honest, in my personal experience, I feel like horses are an escape for a lot of people.I used horses as an escape in my life, you know, until what I was trying to escape eventually caught up with me. I actually had to stare that in the face and do the work.It was a lot of trauma and other things like that.I mean, I think that the thing that brings us all together as equestrians, usually people are drawn to horses because they’re wounded in some way or they use them as a way to… We talk about horses being our mental health, right?And so I think that there’s a lot of people that will agree when I say that.

[SPEAKER 1]However,

[SPEAKER 2]And this may be an unpopular opinion, but I think that we really need to look at like why we’re using horses as an escape from life in order to truly enjoy them.Because horses don’t deserve to also carry our trunk.And they’re extremely healing and they have been for me. Um, but the amount of times that I’ve like cried on a horse’s neck when I should have been going to therapy or leaving a horrible relationship or like checking my bank account instead of spending time at the barn, hoping that like all my problems would just disappear, um, is something I think other women can relate to.And on the other hand, what I tried to do in my personal business for years was create a job doing a thing that I loved.And eventually I started resenting horses to a point where I didn’t even know if I really wanted to be. involved with them again, because when you don’t have support, it’s extremely hard to have profitable equestrian business that allows you to have freedom outside of the barn.And then what you were seeking becomes something completely different.So I think, you know, we just have to be mindful of what balance means to us and also just how we’re incorporating horses into our lives in a way that’s fair for them and in a way that we’re still showing up for ourselves so that we can kind of be what they need us to be versus them always kind of like carrying all of that heaviness and being our escape from reality.And I see it in the light of it being like this magical thing as well.So I’m not discounting that.But I also think it’s a very easy way to avoid life’s real challenges.

[SPEAKER 1]Yeah, absolutely.I completely agree.Yeah, it’s like the coping mechanism of horses who are so empathetic and caring.But, you know, they’re also probably just hanging out in their paddock thinking, God, like, don’t unload on me.

[SPEAKER 2]Yeah, honestly.And I mean, that’s

[SPEAKER 1]That’s the truth of it.They’re so receptive to energy.And then if you bring all your negative energy, it’s like, that’s a lot for the horse to carry too.Yeah.

[SPEAKER 2]And of course we love them.Of course you’re a good horse owner.But when you’re trying to find balance and you feel like it’s impossible, whether it’s like, I don’t have time. And I don’t have energy and I don’t have resources.I mean, it’s, it’s because there’s something that’s just so misaligned in your life that you’re not looking at.Like you got to open your eyes and figure out what that is versus kind of leaning harder.And I swear to God, that’s what happens with every single equestrian.That has had the burnout experience.Like they lean harder into it.Like I’m going to go harder.I’m going to push harder.I’m going to hustle harder.I’m going to prove something to someone because there’s something in the background, you know, that is. encouraging us to do that, that we haven’t worked through.There’s, you know, traumatic experience or someone once said something to us or we’re trying to prove a point.And like it just never works out.It never does.And the horses also don’t deserve our resentment because of it.I mean, I’ve obviously been through that.I’ve experienced it.So I’m talking from the person who’s made that mistake many times.But it’s just it’s just such an interesting dynamic that we have an idea of of what balance looks like.

[SPEAKER 1]Yeah, no, I hear you because I get it, you know, and I hope that people listening as well will be like, I get it too.And I think you make a good point in saying that, you know, you have to find if you feel like you don’t have a balance in your life, where are you misaligned?So it’s rather than going harder in the areas that you want to go harder in or that you want to have more time for, look at, okay, well, what is, like, where is the misalignment happening in the first place?It’s like reverse engineering the process to get to where you want to go versus just, like, going harder to get to where you want to go.

[SPEAKER 2]I think that’s… Yeah, and that’s a great example of what you said of, like, this, I mean, I don’t, I see what I do as both masculine and feminine, like, from the business coaching perspective, there’s lots of structures, lots of systems. Um, and there was lots of feminine and coaching clients like through their stuff too.But that being said, I think that what, what happens is we lean into that masculine energy and it’s, it’s a narrative in the horse industry.If you want to be successful, you have to give up everything.You have to sacrifice your time, you know, like in order to deserve any kind of success in this industry.Um, like you, you don’t deserve a life outside of horses.I just think, you know, I’ve interviewed also hundreds of really successful equestrians.And that was the narrative.And I got frustrated with it, because I felt like I was perpetuating it.And that’s kind of, again, like another catalyst in changing what I was doing.Because I don’t want to perpetuate that narrative.I ruined my own life.Like, you know, I spent months in and out of the hospital, I was so severely sick, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, like all of it came on because I truly bought into that narrative of like, we have to give everything, you know, split the McDonald’s Happy Meals. so that our horses can have the expensive supplements or we’re just not a good horse person.And I think that is so not true.

[SPEAKER 1]Yeah, I completely agree.It was interesting.I recently interviewed Ingrid Klimka for this podcast, and she talked about work life balance and how important it is for her to go on vacation, spend time with her family, go visit her friends, all of those things.And I thought, thank you for being somebody at the top of their game. that is talking about this and changing the narrative so that the rest of us aren’t looking at these ones that are at the top and thinking, if I want to get there, I have to do that too. you know, like, thank you for speaking about how important it is to spend time with your family and hang out with your friends and go to the beach and all of the things that she mentioned, you know, so that we start to say, oh, well, if that’s what she does, then I’m a, you know, and as sad as that is to say, well, she does it, but I’m allowed to do it too.But you know what I mean?

[SPEAKER 2]Where it is changing the narrative to say, you know,

[SPEAKER 1]rather than somebody saying, in order to get to where I am, you have to do this, this, this, this, and this and go hard and, you know, spend 24 seven at the barn and all of those things.

[SPEAKER 2]And they, you know, I think the difference is people at that level, the sports still are scared of being judged.They want to control how they’re perceived and they only share and speak about so many things, honestly.So it’s not that, they don’t have these feelings, it’s that talking about them is extremely hard for some of these people.I mean, from my experience in talking to so many of them.And I think that it really gives a false idea to so many people who want to be part of the equestrian industry as to not only what they have to give up, but the other thing I found is in my experience and from my perspective, it is an extremely difficult industry to be no one with no connections and have built a profitable business.You have to be extremely strategic from, honestly, the beginning because it is so costly to make certain mistakes.And there are people who have had ginormous amounts of success in the industry. But they leave out certain factors that played into that success.And it leaves people feeling like they’re missing something.They’re not enough.They must not be talented enough.They must not have what it takes.And that is just completely untrue.You don’t know the whole story.So I love that.I love that there’s people talking about that.

[SPEAKER 1]Yeah. You just mentioned connections there and I would love to chat.So you just recently ran a retreat with a bunch of equestrians, both equestrian entrepreneurs that were there, you know, speaking and educating people as well as the retreat members.And from from my perspective, you know, watching things behind the scenes and everything like that, it looked like it was such a holistic retreat in the sense that you incorporated so much that was important for mind-body wellness, as well as, you know, chasing the goals.What would you say, like, how would people define networking for them?Would they make those connections?Do you recommend connecting with people or networking?How important is it, you know, all of the things related to connection?

[SPEAKER 2]Yeah, I mean, of course it is.That retreat was so much fun.And again, It was people who have businesses either related or unrelated to horses, but that’s what’s brought us together.So it was so fun to be in that environment.The reason I hosted one is because my personal experience in getting in the room with people who are trying to strive for the same things as you or are more successful than you and achieve things that you want to is evidence that it is possible.It rises everyone up. And it makes you believe like, if this person can do that, I can do that.And we get so deep on all of the challenges that we have all had, that it makes it more real.Like, even though I am going through this thing, I can still achieve A, B, C. So it puts into perspective what you can accomplish.And I think that you have to be around people to have that level of expansion.So whether it is like, you know, moving out of your shell at the horse show and having conversations with people or actually going to networking events, um, other engagements, you know, or even just practicing in real life.Because I have to be honest, like in the horse world in person, I’m a very shy, quiet person.I, I’m not someone who likes to go out of my way to have conversations and I have like major resting

[SPEAKER 1]mean face.

[SPEAKER 2]So people think that I’m like, yeah, that I’m not very approachable.And so I always have just had this like shy energy.Um, what I learned is that, you know, like you really have to push yourself to have conversations because you’d be surprised who you might meet or connect with and what that might do for your life, for your business.Um, I would encourage anyone listening to take the opportunity that feels uncomfortable, because for me, same thing, like social anxiety.I don’t love it.I need time for myself.I would, anytime I have that feeling of resistance, like this would be uncomfortable.Everyone here is like more successful than me, or I just, I don’t know how I would do this, or I don’t know how I would show up to this place where I know no one.Anytime I feel that feeling, I do it. It has been so rewarding, like beyond what I could ever kind of express or articulate to anyone listening.So when you feel those feelings, instead of being like, oh, well, this feels really gross and uncomfortable and scary.I’m not going to do it.Do it.Just do it.Get out there.You will not regret it.

[SPEAKER 1]Yeah that’s uh that’s good advice because I know a lot of us we do you know get stuck in our our little bubble and and that is something as well within the horse world whether you ride with a specific burn or you have your you know things like that you do get stuck in your little bubble and it’s it’s kind of hard it’s scary to go beyond it um so that’s yeah that’s really good advice.So We all know that our environment can dictate our growth.And you’ve spoken on this throughout the podcast already.And there was a social media post that you did recently.And I tried to find it again so I could quote it.And I couldn’t.So I thought, OK, I’m just going to go off memory.But you had spoken about how so often when we you know, grow up in the equestrian industry or we go through, you know, riding with a coach or a trainer and we rely on them so heavily to tell us what to do, when to do it, what aid to apply, you know, all of the things when it comes to riding or caring for our horses.And then we, you know, go out in business or life and we can have a hard time because we’re so used to relying on someone else for the answers.And I know you put it so much more eloquently in your social media posts than that, but I would love to discuss that about how our environment can make or break our success, but more importantly, what we do with it and the narrative that we change.So can you speak a little bit to that post, what inspired it, and go from there?

[SPEAKER 2]Yeah, I mean, it’s my favorite topic to talk about.Because that was my entire experience.I think, you know, being an equestrian coach, I learned to be very instructional.And it wasn’t until like several years ago that I started playing with asking riders what they thought, what is the next step?How did that go wrong?How did that go right?And started giving them a lot more like, you know, I’ve always dealt with confidence issues with writers, right?And I think that’s like a huge thing.But the only way I started learning how to fix it was giving them their own, like having them use their own thought processes to understand and feel equipped and empowered. Um, well, we’re constantly telling people what to do and they have to ask permission and they’re totally always reliant on direction.Like it’s very hard to build confidence in that person.Um, and so even sometimes now I find myself coaching business clients on how to coach their students to feel more like they can handle the ring.Um, because I just like the shift of, we’ve always been told what to do.We’ve always been seeking permission.And then when we go into. having our own business and becoming an entrepreneur, we are not consistently validated.We are not guided.We’re not supported.And that feeling of like knowing that we’re doing the right thing completely disappears.And people are crippled by that feeling.And I was too, you know, and I was diagnosed with ADHD last year, which makes me creative, and visionary, and always wanting to do the next thing.And it also has held me back in my business from being profitable and successful, structured, or having any kind of boundaries in it for a very long time.And I think a lot of entrepreneurs can relate.All of a sudden, we are looking for the adult in charge.We turn into that kid again, like, wait, no one’s telling me that I’m doing a good job. Traditionally, in school, we’re taught what to do, we’re graded on the way that we present things, we’re given direction and feedback consistently, like even our parents do that for us.And then so if you’re a writer growing up in that coaching environment as well, it’s the same thing.We just do what our authoritative figures tell us to do and we should get the result.And I honestly think that people underestimate this challenge when it comes to opening your business. especially with people who have serious people-pleasing tendencies or anxious attachments or just conditioning from other parts of their lives that play into their ability to structure and be disciplined with themselves and also validate themselves.So it’s a big part of what I tackle with my clients.And it’s so common, which is why I think also so many entrepreneurs feel very isolated in what they’re doing. they don’t feel like they can judge whether they’re doing well or not.And they have a lot of self doubt that creeps in.And I like to use an analogy, of course, like that’s literally how I teach everyone is in horse analogies, when it comes to like avoiding getting stuck in that cycle.

[SPEAKER 1]And

[SPEAKER 2]Just like with riding, when you are a Olympic level athlete or a high level athlete of any kind, you still have a coach, you still have a trainer, you have an assistant rider.You have so much support in order to be performing at that level.And so when you’re building an entire business and you’re an entrepreneur, you do not have to do it by yourself. There’s some sort of weird misconception that you’re on an island and like get a coach, get a mentor, get an accountability buddy or a friend that’s going to be part of your journey or a community or a network because it’s the only way that you will get to the level of success that you want to achieve.And there is zero shame in having, needing or asking for help.

[SPEAKER 1]Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.I went through that experience when I left the training lesson barn that I had grown up in for years and years and years and years, which is very much built on, well, what do you think I should do? And I moved my horse to a boarding facility that was just an adult barn.There was no direct coaching or trainers involved.If you wanted to have a coach, you had to bring them in, things like that. and I was incredibly lost.I had been, like, I had two decades of experience of horses.I worked at a barn.You know, I went through the levels of pony club.I did all of the things I was supposed to do as an equestrian.And as soon as I was, quote unquote, on my own with my horse, I was like, I just, I had no, everything left me.And the, idea of confidence was completely gone and I was asking everybody for advice.Well, what do you think I should do?Well, can you look at this?Well, what would you do in my city?And you know, and I just was an absolute mess because I couldn’t trust myself.And somebody said to me, they’re like, do you ever notice that like, you know, a lot, but you’re continuously asking people that you don’t know whether or not how, like, you don’t know how much they know, but you’re taking their advice.

[SPEAKER 2]Yeah.

[SPEAKER 1]And that was a big wake up call for me, you know, of needing to trust my intuition and needing to trust the knowledge that I inherently had. You know, and that completely affected everything else in my life, you know, and made me be able to trust myself in ways beyond, you know, being at the barn.And it’s just, it’s such a cool thing, but it’s also really, again, I don’t wanna swear either, it’s also not a cool thing.You know, it sucks that so many of us have had that experience, but once you’re able to recognize it, um, there’s such a trickle effect for the ways that you begin to trust yourself and so many other areas beyond, you know, your horses.And yeah, it’s a, I completely, when I saw your post, I was like, ah, preach girl.

[SPEAKER 2]Like I think the topic of self-trust could be like an entire podcast because it’s, you know, if I go back to the equestrian industry, and I want to have the opportunity to voice some of my frustrations with it, would be that there are certain coaches out there that haven’t done this type of work.So they are inherently insecure.It’s really important to them that their clients need them.And there’s a codependency, because then they don’t leave.They can’t

[SPEAKER 1]sustain themselves.

[SPEAKER 2]They can’t make decisions by themselves.They need the coach’s approval on everything and permission and advice.And for me, that was a big part of my business at the beginning, especially again, like in my 20s and when I was a lot more attached and didn’t do this type of work.What I recognized is that when you teach writers to have discernments and trust themselves, they get so much better results.Of course, they’re going to stay with you. because they’re getting the results.And there’s so much left inclined to need you all the time, then you actually aren’t energetically spent.It’s exactly the same in business, but it’s exactly the same in life.If you don’t trust yourself and you’re like, Oh, well, what are you having for dinner?What are you ordering or calling your friend?Do you think this is cute or is it not?And you don’t actually just have that inherent security in your own decisions, like it’s exhausting.Yeah.And you feel like you don’t know anything.You feel underqualified.So I think it’s really important for anyone listening, whether you’re like, you know, and I have a huge community of amateur riders that go through this, like they want to have autonomy and they want to like be able to do stuff by themselves.And then they get to that place with their horse, like a new place or home, you know, maybe they buy a farm and they’re like, oh my God, like I’ve lost all my confidence.I don’t know why.And it’s because of this. like kind of perpetuated codependency in certain coach-router relationships and also just life in general, right?So it’s one of the most important things, life-changing things that you can do for yourself is building your self-trust.And it might start with like making a little decision, like turning off your GPS for like half an hour of your freaking drive and being like, if I was in this situation, Could I do this?

[SPEAKER 1]Yes, I can.

[SPEAKER 2]Like something so small or deciding to try something and be OK if it doesn’t work.Because I think that’s the other thing you’re talking about your transition with your horse.And I think there’s so many horse people that know the answer.They’re scared to act on the answer.And it may not work or it may be wrong or people might see that it doesn’t work and it may be wrong.

[SPEAKER 1]What will people think if I mess up?

[SPEAKER 2]Oh, so that’s a huge part of what I do with my clients because like, no, like that is a waste of your life to worry about what everyone else is thinking, but you will only get that confidence by acting on your own decisions and intuition, right?Like you can think about it all day.We can talk about it and you can listen to podcasts and you can idealize it in your brain, but the only way that you’re going to get more confident is if you act on those feelings, you know?

[SPEAKER 1]Mm-hmm.I’m like getting a sore neck from nodding so much and so hard. So your own personal growth and development, you know, you do so much for your clients and you offer so much to them for their personal growth and development and their business growth and development.And, you know, the two are hand in hand.What do you do for yours?Like, what are your routines?What are non-negotiables for you?I’d love to know.I mean, it’s

<p>[SPEAKER 2]It’s fun.I listen to so many podcasts and I read so many books and I do a lot of this kind of work and I’m not perfect by any means.I think screwing up in my own life definitely gives me context and makes me a better coach.If I was really good at this and amazing at it, I just don’t think I’d relate to my clients.But I do think it’s a long road of consistently deciding to grow the biggest thing I think that changed my life and took years, was to take responsibility for the things that I control, which is really only myself, my own reactions and my feelings, and let go of the things that I can’t control.And it seems so simple.But it takes a lot of time to be able to do that.And I’m, you know, I used to be an absolute bundle of anxiety and constantly in fear and vigilance and worried about what was going to happen in the future and what the worst case scenario was and all of those things.And I have such a bigger tolerance, like window of tolerance for things going sideways these days, because things always go sideways no matter what.Now I’m equipped to handle it from a really grounded place.And that is just practicing being present and having a closer relationship with myself.Because if you’re living in the past or living in the future all the time, Like, of course, your nervous system is absolutely shot.But that being said, we’re all out here trying our best.We can meditate.We can do yoga, eat healthy.We can do all of the practices, journaling, visualizing, writing our affirmations, manifesting.I could tell you some made-up routine.The truth is, 10 minutes of just deep breathing and connecting back to my body and being present checking that and being present in certain moments too is life changing for me.And it might be very different for everyone listening.Like what is something very small that you can do?Because I think the problem is people desperately do want to have this feeling of like, I can handle anything that comes my way.Like I’ve been through it.I can handle hard things with ease.And the problem is they think that they need to install like a hundred different changes to their life to make that happen and to feel that way.And I don’t think that’s fair or realistic.So, you know, anyone listening to this podcast, what is just one small thing that you can, even if it’s just quiet time with yourself, because we’re really good at avoiding that.That’s going to just be something that you commit to and you keep as a promise to yourself every single day. and being okay with the commitment of time that it takes to actually feel those inherent changes that come with it.There’s like no magic formula.It’s definitely taken me a lot of time to get to this place, but the way that you are right now, like who you are and how you are is enough.And just like installing those small little changes is gonna make such a big difference. and you’re okay, you know?</p><p>[SPEAKER 1]Yeah, absolutely.And I love the point that you make too, just like the practice of being grounded in your decisions and the idea that like, you can’t control everything.I’m going to let this go.I’m going to stay grounded in who I am as a person.And if that happens, then so be it.And, you know, we’ll figure out a way.And, you know, I think at the end of the day, like, You can do all the yoga, but if you don’t have that as a mindset, you’re not going to necessarily feel any better in your body or in life.So I love that.I love the idea of the grounding. We have four questions.I know I told you at the beginning we want to aim for an hour and we’re at an hour and I feel like I could talk to you literally forever about this.And so we’re going to go to the worst questions so I don’t take up your time.Yeah, for sure.So what is a motto or a favorite saying that you have?</p><p>[SPEAKER 2]Um, it’s good that you gave me this ahead of time, because I’m very bad at thinking about this stuff on the spot.I, I always say, be the horse you bet on, because it’s an equestrian analogy.Um, and it really alludes to, you know, banking on yourself and being there for yourself.Cause at the end of the day, at the end of your life, you’re the person that you’re going to have the deepest relationship that you can have the deepest relationship with.</p><p>[SPEAKER 1]Hmm.I like that. Who has been the most influential person in your equestrian journey?</p><p>[SPEAKER 2]I mean, I have been influenced by so many people.I’ve had such a beautiful opportunity to talk with many different equestrians.But specifically, I have to say Noel Asmar has been such a influential person as far as equestrian space goes for me.We met when I did her podcast interview.I’m not even sure when that was, probably two years or so ago. And not just what she’s accomplished, but the person that she is and the things that she’s doing to literally change course of certain industries.She’s a disruptor.She is so inspiring.She does anything for everyone, not in a people pleasing way, but she’s just so about empowerment.And if anyone listening hasn’t checked her out personally and doesn’t know about her, I would highly encourage you to because she’s an amazing, inspiring person to me.</p><p>[SPEAKER 1]Awesome.If you could give equestrians one piece of advice, what would it be?</p><p>[SPEAKER 2]Your horse will never love you less for putting yourself first.</p><p>[SPEAKER 1]Oh, that is good and a little provocative.</p><p>[SPEAKER 2]It’s good. I was, yes, I read your questions.I thought, oh, no, I better watch what I say here.But I think that’s the truth.I think that, you know, it’s very real.Your horse is not going to hate you for not putting them first.You know, you really do have to fill your own cup before others.But that also includes your horse.It doesn’t make you less of a horse person or horse mom or a loving animal caretaker.</p><p>[SPEAKER 1]And I think, too, you know, putting yourself first in some circumstances may mean that you show up as a better person for your horse.So it’s one of those things where it’s like it might actually be better for your horse in the long run, you know.</p><p>[SPEAKER 2]Better for everyone else if you put yourself first, it is.</p><p>[SPEAKER 1]Yeah.And the final one, please complete this sentence.For me, horses are.</p><p>[SPEAKER 2]I put for this one, I put there are intuition. And to elaborate, I think they’re just like a window into our own self.They are mirrors that accurately reflect us.And I think that’s why they’re the most powerful animal that attracts people that need healing and are also very powerful themselves.</p><p>[SPEAKER 1]Yeah.Yeah. Where can people find you?How can they connect with you?You know, if you have anything upcoming, I know you are pregnant.And so upcoming things are babies and that.But, you know, what what do you have on the go?I’d love for our audience and our community to to get to know you better.</p><p>[SPEAKER 2]Well, first of all, thank you so much for doing this with me.I could also talk so long with you about all of these topics.I really appreciate it. In fact, we do have some exciting stuff coming up.I am most active on Instagram at Jessica M Parr and my podcast is the Jessica Parr podcast.And I haven’t mentioned this yet.We said this was coming out on the 21st.So we will have just launched a really accessible, amazing course for those who are interested in literally what we’ve been talking about, the mindset strategies for success.I think it’s coming July 14th. And it’s basically an epic collection of my best trainings for anyone who wants to do this type of inner work, you know, to reflect in their external business or entrepreneurship journey. I’d invite your audience to check that out if any of this was really resonant with them.</p><p>[SPEAKER 1]Awesome.We’ll link all of that and I’ll include the course in the show notes as well for anybody that’s interested.Jessica, thank you so much for your time and for speaking with us today.I know I learned a lot and I’m taking a lot away from this and I hope that those listening will too.</p><p>[SPEAKER 2]Oh, thank you so much.</p><p>[SPEAKER 1]This was so fun. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Equestrian Connection podcast by WeHorse. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a rating and review, as well as share us on social media.You can find us on Instagram at WeHorse underscore USA, and check out our free seven day trial on WeHorse.com, where you can access over 175 courses with top trainers from around the world in a variety of topics and disciplines.Until next time, be kind to yourself, your horses and others.</p>